Broke Down Faith

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1


I can remember, after Josie's diagnosis, the incredible amount of faith we had that God would heal our child.  We believed that God would fix in her what had broken.  We most certainly KNEW that He could, and we had faith that He would.  He did not.


It was time for our 20 week ultrasound for Eadie Joy and we'd been asked to have the scan in Everett so that we were closer to the University of Washington and working with specialists who had been consultants for Josie, "just in case" something was to go wrong with this baby as well.   If this scan came back normal, then we'd be released to go back to our home hospital which is where all our kids had been born, including Josie. But, as soon as the scan began, we knew something was up because the technician left the room and brought back our perinatologits to have a look right then and there.  Not good. 


Our doctor had found what she believed to be a sub arachnoid cyst (a bubble of fluid above the brain), which normally is not a big deal, they happen all the time.  But, because it was a sub arachnoid cyst on a fetus who's mother had just delivered an infant born with no brain, it was a big deal.  She literally crossed her fingers in hopes that it would be absorbed as most cysts of this kind do.  She also told us to come back in eight weeks.  Seriously?!


After that appointment I was so pessimistic, and I remember it being hard to even pray.  I could not breathe.  I was angry, Brett was angry, and I specifically remember saying to our brand new Pastor's wife, whom I had literally just met; "if this happens again, I'm done."  Meaning, I would not be able to serve a God, any longer, who asks us to walk through this again.  I meant it, but I guess I was wrong.