Run!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18


Emotional pain is like a foreign language.  It does not compute, does not translate.  It's empty, floating space.  I didn't like this one bit...who does, right??  But, there's no getting out of it.  It's a process that the body and mind must go through.  I don't pretend to understand why, but I trust that it's got to be part of the healing process.  I just don't believe that we'd be asked to go through emotional pain for no purpose.  Our God doesn't work like that.


The day after Josie died, I began to run.  Running was my way of translating the emotional pain of losing Josie, to physical pain.  Physical pain makes sense.  I can handle physical pain much better than emotional pain, if not just for this simple reason.  Running felt horrible since I was just 24 days postpartum, but it also felt glorious.


I ended up running my first half marathon that year (along with my running partner at the time; an advanced and experienced runner who gave me such an amazing gift by sticking by my side every step of the way, thank you JuLee!!), the Amica Seattle Half Marathon.  The race was held on November 30, 2008, just 4 weeks from our first training run.  And although I could barely walk when the race was done, I felt stronger, and like I was able to connect to Josie's life, through that physical pain, in a way I wouldn't have been able to had I not run that race.


Physical movement has become a tool for me; to process, to grow.  It's not everything, that's for sure.  But for me it's been such a gift.  It's helped me remember that I am still alive, that I am capable.  It's helped me find my "I can" in a world of "I can't".  A priceless gift in the midst of loss.