Scavenger

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23



So, at this point, my obnoxious tenacity went into overdrive and I just became down right obnoxious, anxious, a complete mess, yet determined and focused; on what?  As if I could WILL this pregnancy to go well,  WILL it to produce a healthy child.  I gave it my best shot, that's for sure, although not in the way you'd think, like how women can be uber "natural" during a pregnancy, or protective of their physical body; "the baby house".  I think back and I actually was the most reckless I'd ever been during any pregnancy.  Strange.  It was like I was on some kind of hap-hazard scavenger hunt where I just had to come out on top.  As if.  Fighting/competing/racing against who?  Fighting/competing/racing against what?  Yet, there I stayed, in this strange space, for twenty weeks.