My Mountain Top

I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. Psalm 9:1


Do you remember going to camp as a kid?  Maybe it was church camp, or just a summer camp like with the YMCA.  You were gone for about a week, and SO much happened in that time...you learned a bit more about who you are, or who you want to be, even a bit about who you do NOT want to be.  Maybe you faced a phobia like heights, that you never though you could face, or got a clear calling on who you're supposed to be in life.  Big things, to you, that mattered.


At the end of the week, your parents came to pick you up and wanted to hear all about your time away.  You could barely control the words coming out of your mouth as you began to attempt to paint a picture of all your week had in store.  The time away changed you.  You grew up a bit while you were away from them.  You gained an amazing sense of wisdom that is so hard to explain, so hard to put words to, yet you fumble and dig into your vocabulary to find just the right word, to capture that one amazing earth moving moment; your mountain top experience.  But in reality, it's next to impossible to explain any of it, next to impossible to reach that sense of satisfaction, using words, sharing that new-found part of you, yet it's so important to have at least tried.


This is exactly how I feel about telling the story of Eadie Joy, our fourth child.  There's fear behind the telling of this part of our story, fear that my words will fall flat like the weight of a stone while  my heart is for them to float and flit with life, like the life she was.  A life that mattered so very much, to our family.  But, every time I try, I freeze up.  The words get choked in my throat.  I'm not sure if it's just because it's SO painful, or because it's so loaded with emotion and hope and...ultimately loss, or what.  I just haven't seemed to be able to do it.  But, I really want to try; I think I am supposed to try.  So here goes..


Eadie Joy McLeod was born December 23, 2009.  She passed away 23 days later on January 15, 2010.  Over the next week, I will share this part of our story, for the first time.  Wish me luck.